Tagged: 智慧

什麼時候該讓病人走?

文章來源 : 天下雜誌 (作者:林倖妃)

「老師都教我們以救人為天職,但沒教我們遇到不能救的病人怎麼辦?」用盡武器救人的醫生,現在最大的問題不是如何讓病人活下去,而是助人善終。
作為醫生,面對生死,心中會有更多掙扎嗎?

晚上八點,台大醫院燈火輝煌。草草吃著麵包當晚餐,外科加護病房主任柯文哲說,科技發展到今天,醫生最大的問題不是病人如何活下去,而是如何死掉。

因為心臟不好可以裝循環輔助器,肺臟不好可以裝呼吸器,肝臟不好可以血漿置換,或是輸入冷凍性新鮮血漿,骨髓不好輸血,免疫不好打抗生素,即使是垂死的病人也可以撐很久,「死不了」。問題是,「死亡是什麼?怎樣才算活著」?

連醫生都無法回答這個問題。

一個八十二歲的老公公罹患心臟病, 花一百六十萬元裝置人工心臟, 但因機器太大台,他到哪裡都必須拖著救命的「心臟」,問醫生有沒有解決的辦法?醫生告訴他要再花三百五十萬元換台體積較小的機器。老先生不願意,最後因為要拖著龐然大物才能行動,得了重度憂鬱症躺在床上,七個月後中風死了。這是病人的選擇。

科技讓人不得好死?

在人稱「葉醫師」的葉克膜出現後,讓醫師陷入更沉重的生死抉擇。隨著醫學科技的發展,即使沒有心臟,裝上葉克膜也可以暫時維持生命,台大醫院最高存活紀錄是一一七天。只不過,並不是人人都可以走出醫院,更多的是在「葉醫師」加持下,看著自己的腳從下面一直黑上來,清醒地看著自己慢慢死掉。

一位知名企業家的太太就裝著葉克膜直到全身變黑,過世前嚴重浮腫變形,「高科技反而讓人不得好死,」柯文哲感嘆說。住在加護病房的病人在過世前平均多三公斤,因為不斷用各種儀器和藥物,導致身體浮腫,只為維持一口氣在。

醫生不願面對死亡,無法開口告訴家屬實情,只能用盡手中所有「武器」。

死亡是必須要面對的問題,特別是在加護病房。「但今天的困境已經不是病人怎麼活下去,而是怎麼善終,讓病人在往生前少受點折磨,」柯文哲反省。

「我們叫醫生,不會醫死人,老師都教我們以救人為天職,但沒教我們遇到不能救的病人怎麼辦?是誰不能接受病人死亡的事實,病人家屬或醫生?結果結論是醫生。」說話直接不拐彎的柯文哲指著電腦螢幕前一張張震撼人心的投影片說。

這是他最近幾年最常思考的問題:醫生還是醫死?什麼時候該關掉葉克膜,讓病人走?

高雄醫學大學醫學系主任、同時也是神經外科主治醫師林志隆感慨地說,他的老師五十多歲時因為心臟癌症開刀後,同樣身為醫師的老師自知存活機會不大,強烈表達意願, 萬一時,要放棄急救,保持最後的尊嚴離開。但事情發生時師公(老師的老師)堅持插管,強行救回老師,「我怎麼可能讓我的學生走?」師公的話語中滿是悲哀,一輩子當醫生的他,不願意面對學生的死亡。

滿屋子的醫生在此時都沉默了, 「如果是我,請不要救我,」林志隆事後對學生說。作為一個醫生,「除非病患表達意願,否則只能做到將心比心,不要讓家屬有遺憾,可以坦然面對死亡的過程。」在他心中, 醫生可以做的,頂多只是向上帝借時間,無法作出生或死的抉擇。

台灣醫學院目前最需要的,就是這門生死學教育課。柯文哲心裡很急,因為他查過,發現台灣的醫學教育有「死亡學」課程的學校,只有台大兩學分,大部份都沒有。「這很好笑,因為一個每天面對死亡的職業,他的養成教育中竟然沒有死亡學,」嘲諷的語氣中,更多的是無奈。

醫生,是治療者,總有一天也會是病人和病人家屬。但近年來,從SARS到邱小妹事件,醫師落跑、將病人當人球,醫德飽受批評,讓醫界開始反省「醫學教育出了什麼事?」並從教育動手改革。

先學做人再學做醫生

「今天不做、明天會後悔,」林志隆說。因為國內醫學院評鑑制度改變,這兩年開始引進世界通用的TMAC(醫學評鑑委員會)制度,強調的是「先學做人,再學做醫生」,高雄醫學大學傳統醫學系從一年級就進入專業科目,改為一、二年級為醫預科,大量引進醫學人文課程。

場景轉向高雄醫學大學禮堂。這一堂課,上的是生命。

大禮堂內座無虛席,坐的是醫學系一年級學生,晶亮的眼睛內蘊藏的是無量的前途,若無意外,他們都是未來的醫生。

台上的「老師」,是個坐在輪椅上,只有一般人一半高度的裘馨氏肌肉萎縮症患者曾英齊。他的生命正在倒數計時。
這是曾英齊的生前告別式, 「希望在我走後,將大體捐出回饋社會,這也是我報答父親的方式,父親對我付出的成果,讓大家都看得到,」他說。答、答、答,牆上的鐘似乎走得特別急,他每說一個字都要用力吸氣, 僅剩二十四公斤的身體難堪地承受著。因為父親每天三小時不間斷按摩,讓他比病友平均壽命二十歲多出足足七年,而今,他意識到身體已愈來愈虛弱。

曾英齊決定捐出大體給高雄醫學大學研究,將會讓醫學更了解這個不治之症,延續無數人的生命。

這或許是「準醫師們」在醫學院生涯中,最重要的一堂課。高醫副校長鐘育志頗有感觸地說,當醫生不只要治病, 還應有更多同理心,這是每一個把醫學當志業的學生,應該有的認知和感受。

曾英齊將自己的生命攤開在這群準醫師面前, 但他們感受到什麼?醫學系的康彥博紅著眼眶, 邊擦著鼻涕說,未來他會從病患的角度來思考,以同理心感受他們的心情。這是他在上這堂課之前從未想過的。

「我以後一定要成為一個好醫生,」坐在台下的陳力瀚說著,感動仍在他的眼中、在他的心裡, 「七年後我會和現在保持一樣的心情。」這也是林志隆最常提醒學生的一句話:不忘初衷。

第二堂課,上的是尊重。

三、四年級上解剖課前,學生必須付出心力和時間,訪談所有捐出遺體的「大體老師」的家屬,和家屬互動,了解「老師」也曾是為人父、為人母、為人子女,並舉辦啟用儀式。逼視死亡、面對死亡,學生從懼怕上解剖課,進實驗室的態度改變了。

高雄醫學大學解剖學科主任陳世杰說, 這些種種都是出於對人的關懷,希望會在準醫師們的心中留下種苗,以後長大成為森林中的大樹。

「作良醫,不要作名醫」,已逝的高醫院長魏火曜的話,至今仍迴蕩在醫學院的迴廊中。

不想窮,就好好記住….

文章來源 : 活得精彩

無論你是男人,還是女人,做人,想成功,下面就是你必須要做到的:

1. 這是個現實的社會,感情不能當飯吃,貧窮夫妻百事哀。不要相信電影裡的故事情節,那只是個供許多陌生人喧囂情感的場所。只有不理智和不現實的人才相信。

2. 給自己定目標,一年,兩年,五年,也許你出生不如別人好,通過努力,往往可以改變70%的命運。破罐子破摔只能和懦弱做朋友。

3. 朋友請你吃飯,不要覺得理所當然,請禮尚往來,否則你的名聲會越來越差。

4. 好朋友裡面,一定要培養出一個知己,不要以為你有多麼八面玲瓏,到處是朋友,最後真心對你的,只有一個,相信我。

5. 不要相信算卦星座命理,那是哄小朋友的,命運掌握在自己手中。坐在家裡等什麼房子,車子,還不如睡一覺做個好夢。

6. 不喜歡的人少接觸,但別在背後說壞話,說是非之人,必定是是非之人,謹記,禍從口出。

7. 少玩遊戲,這不是韓國,你打不出房子車子還有資本。可以有愛好,但要把握尺度,少玩農場,牧場,鬥地主等一些高度吸引人思想的晉級遊戲,也許你的級別很高,但不代表你有多麼成功,反而會影響和佔據你成功的時間。

8. 是人都有惰性,這是與生俱來的,但是我們後天可以改變這種惰性,因為有很多人正在改變。對於某種事物或是生意不要等別人做到了,我才想到。不要等別人已經賺到錢了,我才想去做。沒有人相信的是市場和機遇,大家都相信的叫做膨脹。

9. 知道自己要幹什麼,夜深人靜,問問自己,將來的打算,並朝著那個方向去實現。而不是無所事事和做一些無謂的事。

10. 出路出路,走出去了,總是會有路的。困難苦難,困在家裡就是難。

11. 作為女人,不要以老賣老,認為事業跟自己沒關係,以為自己就是洗衣服,做飯,看孩子,那就是大錯特錯。

12. 做人,要做到;萬事孝為先,教童品之道,夫妻和諧美,幸福萬年長。但是這些不是拿來用嘴說說就能辦到的,解放初期年代要做到這些,需要付出很大的努力和辛苦,當今現實的社會需要你付出很大的金錢,聰明的人都知道這個道理。

13. 閒置時間不要經常上網做無聊的事和玩一些沒有意義的遊戲,讀點文學作品,學習一些經營流程,管理規範,國際時事,法律常識。這能保證你在任何聚會都有談資。

14. 寧可錯殺一千次來自各方面的資訊,也不放過任何一個有可能成功的機會。只有這樣你才不會去買後悔藥。

15. 要做一件事,成功之前,沒有必要告訴其他人。成功之後不用你說,其他人都會知道的。這就是資訊時代所帶來的效應

16. 頭髮,指甲,鬍子,打理好。社會是個排斥性的接受體,這個星球所需要的藝術家極其有限,請不要冒這個險,就算你留長頭髮比較好看,也要儘量給人乾淨的感覺。

17. 不要以為你是個男人,就不需要保養。至少飲食方面不能太隨便,多吃番茄,海產品,韭菜,香蕉,都是對男性健康有益處的食物。你要是看不到價值,我可以告訴你。至少你能把看病節約下來的錢給你的女人多買幾個化妝品.

18. 力求上進的人,不要總想著靠誰誰,人都是自私的,自己才是最靠得住的人。

19. 面對失敗,不要太計較,天將降大任於斯人也,必先苦其心志,勞其筋骨,餓起體膚……但要學會自責,找到原因,且改掉壞習慣。二十歲沒錢,那很正常;三十歲沒錢,可能是沒有好的家境,需要更大的努力;四十歲沒錢,只能自己找原因。窮人變成富人是可能的,而且很可能。窮人能窮一輩子,也是必然的,存在就是理由,只是有所選擇。

20. 每個人都有成功的機會!就看你給不給自己機會!


一般人都不喜歡窮..我是一般人我也不例外. 但是我清楚窮不代表失敗.成功不代表一定要有錢. 我不想要非常有錢. 但我想要”要花錢的時候有錢花”. XD
“給自己定目標”…我可能要認真思考我的目標在哪裡?
“不喜歡的人少接觸,但別在背後說壞話,說是非之人,必定是是非之人,謹記,禍從口出。”..,這句話對我來說很受用.也給自己警惕一下.
第9點與第2點好像重複.
“出路出路,走出去了,總是會有路的。困難苦難,困在家裡就是難。”…我媽常念我這個…
“萬事孝為先,教童品之道,夫妻和諧美,幸福萬年長。”…提醒一下自己.
三十歲沒錢,可能是沒有好的家境,”需要更大的努力”
第16點…”也要儘量給人乾淨的感覺”..@@

常想一二

— 張忠謀 —

朋友買來紙筆硯台,請我題幾個字讓它掛在新居客廳補壁。

這使我感到有些為難,因為我自知字寫的不好看,何況已經有很多年沒寫書法了。

朋友說:「怕什麼?掛你的字我感到很光榮,我都不怕了,你怕什麼?」

我便在朋友面前展紙、磨墨,寫了四個字「常想一二」。

朋友說:「這是什麼意思?」

我說:「意思是說我字寫的不好,你看到這幅字,請多多包含,多想一、二件我的好處,就原諒我了。」

看到我玩笑的態度,朋友說:「講正經的,到底是什麼意思?」

『俗語說人生不如意事十常八、九,我們生命裡面不如意的事占了決大部份,因此,活著本身是痛苦的。但扣除八、九成的不如意,至少還有一、二成是如意的、快樂的、辛慰的事情,我們如果要過快樂人生,就要常想那一、二成好事,這樣就會感到慶幸、懂的珍惜,不致被八九成的不如意所打倒了。』

朋友聽了,非常歡喜,抱著「常想一二」回家了。

幾個月之後,他來探視我,又來向我求字,說是:「每天在辦公室裡勞累受氣,一回家之後看見那幅『常想一二』就很開心,但是牆壁太大,字顯得太小,你再寫幾個字吧!」

對於好朋友,我一向有求必應,於是為「常想一二」寫了下聯「不思八九」,上面又寫了「如意」的橫批,中間隨手畫一幅寫意的瓶花。

沒想到過幾個月,我再婚的消息披露報端,引起許多離奇的傳說與流言的困擾,朋友有一天打電話來,說他正坐在客廳我寫的字前面,

他說:「想不出什麼話來安慰你,唸你自己寫的字給你聽:常想一二、不思八九,事事如意。」

接到朋友的電話使我很感動,我常覺得在別人的喜慶錦上添花容易,在別人的苦難裡雪中送炭卻很困難,那種比例,大約也是八九與一二之比。不能雪中送炭的不是真朋友,當然更甭說那些落井下石的人了。不過,一個人到了四十歲後,在生活中大概都鍛鍊出寵辱不驚的本事,也不會在乎錦上添花雪中送炭或落井下石了。

那是因為我們已經歷過生命的痛苦與挫折,也經驗了許多,情感的相逢與離散,慢慢的尋索出生命中積極的、快樂的、正向的觀想,這種觀想,正是「常想一二」的觀想。

常想一二的觀想,乃在重重烏雲中尋覓一絲黎明的曙光,乃是在滾滾紅塵中開啟一些寧靜的消息,乃是在瀕臨窒息時,有一次深長的呼吸。

生命已經夠苦了, 如果我們把幾?年的不如意事總和起來,一定會使我們舉步惟艱。

生活與感情陷入苦境,有時是無可奈何的,但是如果連思想和心情都陷入苦境,那就是自討苦吃,苦上加苦了。

在波濤洶湧的海上航行,我早已學會面對苦境的方法。

我總是想:
從前萬般的折磨我都能苦中做樂,眼下的些許苦難自然能逆來順受了。

我從小喜歡閱讀大人物的傳記和回憶錄,

慢慢歸納出一個公式:凡是大人物都是受苦受難的,他們的生命幾乎就是「人生不如意事,常八九」的真實證言,但他們在面對苦難時也都能保持正向的思考,能「常想一二」,最後他們超越苦難,苦難便化成生命中最肥沃的養料,是為了他們開啟蓮花所準備的。

使我深受感動的不是他們的苦難,因為苦難到處都有,使我感動的是:他們面對苦難時的堅持、樂觀、與勇氣。原來如意或不如意, 並不是決定人生的際遇, 而是取決於思想的瞬間, 原來決定生命品質的不是八九, 而是一二

刑衝會合害

地支之刑 地支彼此之間或與流年地支產生刑剋,主傷害、意外之事,共分四種狀況

1.無禮之刑:子刑卯,卯刑子
2.無恩之刑:寅刑巳,巳刑申,申刑寅
3.恃勢之刑:丑刑戌,戌刑未,未刑丑
4.自刑:辰刑辰,午刑午,酉刑酉,亥刑亥

地之六衝表衝擊、變動、改變,共有六種

子午衝、丑未衝、寅申衝、卯酉衝、辰戌衝、巳亥衝

地支三會與流年三會產生的氣場很大,不過自身三會力量比較小,共有四種狀況,口訣如下

寅卯辰會東方木
巳午未會南方火
申酉戌會西方金
亥子丑會北方水

地支六合 表穩定、聚合,六合會產生另一種五行氣場

子丑合土
寅亥合木
卯戌合火
辰酉合金
巳申合水
午未合日月

地支三合 與六合同義,不過力量更大

申子辰合化水
巳酉丑合化金
寅午戌合化火
亥卯未合化木

地支六害表不合、離異、破壞,共有六種狀況

子未害,羊鼠相逢一旦休
丑午害,從來白馬怕青牛
寅巳害,蛇逢猛虎如刀截
申亥害,豬見猴猿似箭投
卯辰害,玉兔見龍雲裡去
酉戌害,金雞遇犬淚雙流

天干五合 改變原來五行的性質,依據合出的午行為判別,共有五種

甲己合化土,中正之合,忠厚穩重,寬容雅量
乙庚合化金,仁義之合,重義氣,剛健穩重
丙辛合化水,威嚴之合,機智靈敏,反應力強
丁壬合化木,人壽之合,寬大仁慈,自我觀念強
戊癸合化水,多禮之合,積極開朗,真誠熱情

刑衝會合害乃判別[變化]重要的依據,也是流年運勢的主要參考指標,不過其中錯綜複雜,這也是八字易學難精的原因之一。不同的盤根據不同解盤人,會有不一樣的解讀,主要是因為凡事有利有弊,無絕對的好與壞,端看每個人的價值觀與心態而定。

Steve Jobs’ 2005 Stanford Commencement Address

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: “We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?” They said: “Of course.” My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky – I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation – the Macintosh – a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn’t know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down – that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me – I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple’s current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn’t even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor’s code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you’d have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I’m fine now.

This was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960′s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

Download – Steve Jobs’ 2005 Stanford Commencement Address

沒有行動的愛不是真愛!

有什麼比真正伸出手,一起工作,一起生活,一起年輕,一起老去,更真!

有一位老人,收藏了許多價值連城的古董。老伴早死,留下三個孩子,長大都出了國。孩子不在身邊,所幸還有個學生,跟出跟進的伺候。許多人都說:「看這年輕人,放著自己的正事不幹,成天陪著老頭子,好像很孝順的樣子。誰不知道,他是為了老頭子的錢。」

老人的孩子們,也常從國外打電話,叮囑老父要小心被騙。

「我當然知道!」老人總是這麼說:「我又不是傻子!」

老人死了。律師宣讀遺囑時,三個兒子都趕回來,那學生也到了。遺囑宣讀之後,三個孩子都變了臉。因為老人居然糊塗到把多半的收藏都給那個學生。

「我知道他可能貪圖我的收藏。」老人的遺囑寫著:「但是在我蒼涼的晚年,真正陪我的是他。就算我的兒子愛我,說在嘴裡、掛在心上、卻不伸出手來,那真愛也成了假愛。相反地,就算我這位學生對我的情都是假的,假的幫我十幾年,連句怨言都沒有,也就應該算是真的!」

所以,如果你真要付出愛。請伸手去做,別空口去說。因為……沒有行動的愛不是真愛!人們可能會忘記你所說的,忘記你所做的,但他們不會忘記你所給他們的感覺。『劉墉著』

一字一朵微笑
一句一幅夢想
感情流洩指間
鏗鏘伴你心跳

如何培養會生活、懂生命的孩子

歲月轉瞬即過,父母親要把握機會讓孩子留下美好的童年回憶

游乾桂

●培養孩子成為具有智慧(思考、想像、創造力)的人

會讀書的人,是從對的答案裡做出對的答案(擁有的是記憶力);有智慧的人,是從對的答案裡找出錯的地方,或是從錯的答案裡找到對的地方(擁有的是思考想像和創造力)。會思考、會動腦的人可能在學校的表現差強人意,然而記憶無法長久,因為我們的腦總是重複在做記憶和遺忘的工作,許多的答案也隨著時空變化而有所不同。

許多現有的科學知識在八年內已被新的結果推翻,例如玉山的高度隨著地殼變動而改變,每年實際高度都不同;一九○四年萊特兄弟發明飛行器才開始有「飛」的名詞產生;過去速度是低音速,目前是高音速,將來可能是光速。因此,記那麼多東西幹嘛?腦袋如果背太多東西,就不可能想很多;若只會背,不會想(思考),腦子就好像被水泥糊起來一樣。曾經有記者問過我,我對孩子的期望是什麼?我不假思索地回答:健康、快樂和記得愛我。許多人是用錢養孩子,不是用心。

最近自己一直在想:有天我老了,會希望孩子怎麼對我?他們以後會有什麼記憶?會想到爸爸給過他什麼?你想到孩子的又是什麼?我會希望我的孩子能夠想到好多好多,例如:我和兒子是一起騎腳踏車、泡湯、爬山、溯溪的好朋友。然而,有人每天的生活模式是:早上刷牙、洗臉、罵小孩,晚上是吃飯、沐浴、更衣、罵小孩,希望大家和孩子之間不是這樣的朋友。

●學習看到孩子的優點

一張白紙上若有個黑點,我們通常只是看到那個黑點,這些年透過自己不斷學習,我漸漸看到的是白色的部分。孩子若有百分之八十五的優點,百分之十五的缺點,大部分的家長都忘記看見他的優點好處。所以,有位心理學家曾說過:「孩子需要一個懂得疼惜他的父母」,有個「比馬龍」定律就是:你以什麼眼光看你的孩子,他就會成為那樣的人。

發明電燈的愛迪生,當學校的老師都放棄他,認為他一無可取,把他帶回家交給他媽媽時說:「笨蛋還給你。」愛迪生的媽媽卻對他說:「別人看不起你,媽媽覺得你不錯。」因此看孩子的角度不同,結果就會不一樣,最重要的是讓孩子有自信。我曾經在精神病院輔導過一位台大醫科畢業的病患,透過對談了解他的成長歷程,發現他從小學到高中從未得過第二名,從中讓我體認到承受高壓力(高處不勝寒)的人容易失敗且敗得很慘。其實失敗可以帶給人經驗和閱歷,兩者加起來則形成智慧。

我們究竟是要培養孩子成為會讀書的人,還是有智慧的人?

●不忘讚美孩子

讚美可以以最少的力量發揮更大的效果,看到孩子的好處,就要去讚美他,他才會演好他自己,孩子會用父母所看到他的好處,演給父母看。例如:我女兒很喜歡烹飪,我讚美她:今天一定有一個仙女來過,不然怎麼會變出這麼好吃的東西?女兒就會愈做愈起勁。每天孩子一回來,我問的不是你在學校學了什麼,而是:有笑話嗎?現在兒子回到家就會對我說:今天有笑話,聽不聽?

「量力」而行,現在做不到,來日方長,日後有可能做得到,因此不要讓孩子永續的能力失去了,給孩子自信,他就會告訴自己:我行、我能,我再加加油。自己會為自己加油,未來就會有獨領風騷的機會。將來的時代是創意取勝的時代,創意就是把兩個不相干的東西結合在一起,例如:WALKMAN就是結合Walk和Man的兩個概念而創造出來的;水管是因為澆花的人要澆好幾處不方便而發明的;透明電梯是因為除了上樓梯外,還想看風景的想法而產生的。

家長必須得常常聆聽孩子的心聲,當孩子有時候突發奇想時,千萬不要罵他胡思亂想,而是要教他好好再想一想。家長是孩子的推手引領者,如何把孩子珍貴的東西引發出來,並將孩子從幻想世界慢慢導入現實是家長的責任。

●教孩子閱讀自己和大自然兩本書

有位哲學家說:教孩子要讀兩本書:一本是自己,一本叫做自然。希望孩子能夠好好閱讀這兩本書,不單是用眼睛。第一本書讀自己,就是指興趣、性向、能耐,能夠演活自己演好自己的人生(擁有自身獨特性)。

有些人是大器晚成者,例如非洲之父史懷哲,他考不上大學,後來是因為拉得一手好手風琴,某位校長破例讓他在該校讀書,他主修歷史,自修文學,三十歲的時候才念醫科,三十八歲畢業。老頑童劉其偉,有許多頭銜,工程師、人類學家、冒險家、畫家,他在三十八歲才開始畫畫,六十六歲成名,他的一生活得豐富而精采。因此,有的人是大器晚成,有的人生是柳暗花明又一村,有時路轉個彎會更好。

成功需要時間,當累積到很豐富時,成功就會來到,就會水到渠成。很多人,小時了了大未必佳,因為他提早將自己的日月精華用光了;如果兩歲就會吊單槓,對他的身體發展反而會有害處。記得有個長跑選手蒲仲強很早受矚目卻不能持久;有人提早上大學,但他們幾乎沒有童年的生活。例如:有個人十二歲上哈佛大學、十六歲畢業考上普林斯頓研究所,記者問他:「你在哈佛最大的經驗是什麼?」他回答:「除了寂寞,還是寂寞。」

因此,我們不要以大人的角度來要求孩子,時候到了就會水到渠成,該你的就是你的。第二本書是大自然,不要只是一味教孩子看書,要多帶孩子看山看水,看古道幽徑星星月亮,從自然中可以學習到很多書本裡學不到的東西。例如:颱風來襲時,行道樹東倒西歪,躺下數萬棵,但森林中的樹往往屹立不搖,我發現其中的道理隱藏在自然的平衡哲學裡,森林的樹枝幹對稱而生,找著最平衡的肌理,於是耐得住風吹雨打;行道樹修修剪剪,則弱不禁風。
要給孩子一是活路(演活自己人生的路),二是退路,不會讀書硬要他讀書就會成為死路。人活著常常會忘記兩件事——呼吸和快樂,因此只要他還存在(有呼吸)就有希望。就如同「失之東隅,收之桑榆」的意思。

●教育的目的是教他成為一個人

教育的目的歸要一句話就是教他成為一個人。我們反省一下自己的生活是這樣嗎:
一、每天忙得像豬,每天做牛做馬(動物)。
二、每天活得像機器。(會動的人、會走路的殭屍,還是年輕的老頭?)

你偉大的貢獻只是工作嗎?

我們讀了那麼多書是為了工作?還是為了生活?很多人生活就是拚命讀書、努力工作、拚命賺錢,最後是養病。讀書和工作並沒有最直接的關係,並不是很會讀書就會當總經理,它所靠的是能力;生活就是一種能力(能耐),讀書和錢只是一個媒介,最終的目的是懂得生活,也可說是為了編織一個夢想,一個活生生的夢,快樂有趣的夢。

●生命是一種慈悲喜捨

生命是一種慈悲喜捨,這比讀書更重要,會成為一輩子受用的資產,也是現今社會所欠缺的東西。一流的人不慈悲就沒有用,醫師不慈悲,對病患不能視病猶親,就對社會無用;一流的化學家不慈悲,製造毒物來害人就是恐怖分子,也對社會無用。我有個朋友是醫師,他說他每天開藥時都很掙扎,為了平衡自己,他在開藥的同時,也提供養生資料給病患,希望他們身體健康下次別再來。

其中有個養生方法是:天天要運動、好好睡個覺、慢慢吃頓飯。有人一早起來就喝咖啡和茶,難道一早起來還這麼累嗎?不健康的人,脾氣會不好,就不會以身作則。最近的詐騙事件頻傳,他們都是很聰明的人,像我就想不出這種騙術,如果他們把聰明才智用在正途該有多好。

因此,一流未必有用,有用必定一流,希望社會不要充斥著一流而無用的人。有用的孩子或許很質樸,但他們會像金庸筆下的周伯通般「大智若愚」。

●培養孩子的內在智慧

人有外在智慧與內在智慧,外在智慧指的是成績和分數,內在智慧則指動機(即主動學習的能力)這是孩子將來智慧的源泉,包含慈悲、尊重和理性。隋文帝至清乾隆年間總共出了八百六十八個狀元,每個幾乎都沒有什麼出息;曹雪芹(《紅樓夢》作者)、李時珍(《本草綱目》作者)等人都是落第的書生;因為曹雪芹的文思澎湃(思考創意取向)無法符合八股的科舉制度(記憶取向)。

另外,興趣也很重要(如果沒有興趣做一份工作,很難做一輩子),職業只是努力讀書謀求生活的工作(會想退休);志業則是很喜歡做很開心的工作(永不退休),而慈悲就是一種志業,希望我們能夠培養孩子能以志業的心情去做工作。

●把孩子的體力健康找回來

如果孩子不健康,他所跑的人生是短路不是長路,擁有健康身體能夠讓學習產生1.75倍的效率。建議每個家庭建構一個運動時間,我們家是騎腳踏車,兒子稱它為「發現台北的秘密花園」,因為和他們一起騎腳踏車,我發現台北的美,甚至發現住家(木柵)附近特別漂亮的地方和小湖泊。你對自己住的地方了解嗎?是否能夠讓孩子有美好的回憶?和他們一起去織夢?

●和孩子一起編織夢想

讀者文摘上有個故事:老師告訴小朋友,每個人只要捐出5元,就能幫助非洲的人鑿一口井。有個小朋友回家跟媽媽要5元,媽媽說我們一起做資源回收賺這5元。後來老師說上次我說錯了,鑿一口井應該是5000元,於是那個小朋友號召全班同學一起做資源回收賺錢,加上企業的贊助,最後完成了這個夢想!因此,絕對不要小看孩子,他們有無限的可能性。希望每個父母能幫助孩子圓夢,在日常生活中只要給孩子機會,他們一定可以做得到!

我和孩子一起去溯溪時,原本很擔心他的安全,有次他跑太快,不小心跌倒了,他反而告訴我這裡有窟窿,你要小心喔!如果不給孩子機會,他的這種特質(關心他人)會出不來!我會帶孩子去球場,自然而然他很喜歡球類運動,也精通許多球技!也會自己看NBA(主動去學習),有次和一位年長者比賽他故意比輸,他告訴我他讓他的(會為別人想)。

這世界原本就是風風雨雨,重要的是如何跨越、面對風雨。孩子有一天終究會離開學校,還原成一個人,馬上就要去面對嚴酷現實的生活,所以要有生命、有夥伴、有朋友助力,如果擁有這些特質,就會有機會!

讓孩子開心一點,歲月轉瞬即過,這些事不趕快去做,以後就做不到!